"Working with emotional intelligence" review part 1

I am sorry if the blog is getting heavier and heavier in the topics.

I know. Less fun now.

But I promised you I will quote real life example so we all can learn together. I know nothing about emotional intelligence (EI). Do you?

 

I am still at page 36 on day 2 (if you want to consider that is readinglah). I did not get the grasp of what is the core discussion nor that I know how to get the fast impact in dealing with EI. This chapter described what is EI and why do we need it basically. In short, you can be a brainer but if you are lack of EI, doesn't guarantee you success in life. Likewise, you can be an average performer in school or college but reasons for your success is how you manage the EI.

It gets interesting after I read page 99 under chapter title "self control".. (note that I starting to peek on short cut tips and interesting story to learn from hehehhehe") basically you can sum it up as this. "when work is hell, find a relaxation technique that works for you. It may sound worst at first but if you calm enough the fate may going to turn around to your side. Lesson learnt - do not panic unnecessarily. :)

That was so good. I will cite an example why I think the above is so true.

 

It happened recently. During the time we moved. I did not know I was pregnant.


My emotion is unstable.



In between my medical leave, bila pegi office dengar2 juga bizarre news and assumptions. I was like "what is going on?""What are they actually planning behind my back". If something going to happen, I want to know right? Would you not?

 

 

Paling tak syok ialah bila ada sekumpulan orang trying to recommend something without informing you. That was terrible kan. How can I accept? especially when you know there is integrity issue involved. I am so against it.

So I was a bit upset during my medical leave. At one point I was thinking my career was just going to be over.


Weeks after that incident, so many other things happening. I choose not to be agressive on certain things,Alhamdulillah like the above story, fate took another turn and I was kind of relief. Peace is back!


Allah knows. banyakkan mengadu pada Allah.

"Get your sh*t together!* - Suits 2's wisdom

No I do not mean to use bad word here.


However,  it is some sort of a pleasant advise from Harvey Specter to Mike on last night episode. The way it was conveyed maybe with a bit of anger and rude I think if I use it in my organization, people will complaint and make heaps of gossips about it. Nevertheless, I love it coz deep down it was an advise from someone that care enough to see you screwing up your life.


Other than Merlin, Suits kept me "awake". These 2 are some sort of TV therapy for me. "Kim and Kourtney take on miami" has been beaten by these. Thank goodness.


I would love if "the higher authority" loves me the way Jessica loves Harvey Specter one day, she saw the potential in him wayyyy back then. Best described - "Jessica likes and trusts Harvey because of his fierce ambition, stubborness, and unswerving loyalty." And I love the Harvey Specter's energy of "loving the winning". It really keeps me going. hehe.


More here. http://suits.wikia.com/wiki/Harvey_Specter


Some of the best dialogues;

 

On last night episode, Mike Ross was 1 hour late to work and miss a meeting with an important client. Harvey was on time as he missed his weekend getaway (I was actually baffled that he kind of lose in dating game.. that is love you all). The day before Mike was already being warned to go home and get his sh*t together because he was just a messlah. lagipun nenek dia baru meninggal yo so dia tak berapa on top of his game. (That's right regardless of anything, you just can't slack..always be on top of your game).

 

So i really like it when Harvey yelled at Mike this. "What did I say to you? Get your sh*t together. Being late to work to get your shit together is not getting your shit together"

 

Harvey [to Mike]: The next time I have the option to cross the line to save you, I'll send you packing and not think twice. Now get your s**t together.

 

 

Other dialogues that might pump you up.

 

Jessica: If I can't count on you for the effort, how can I count on you for the results? (so true right?)

 

 

Harvey: We just went through a civil war. The world knows it---and we're weak. My uncle says the weak get eaten. (oh so true. you think why is it important to look cool and steady?)

Harvey: You're the guy that nobody wants, but can't get rid of. (that's to some of the management members muahahaha)


Rachel: You need to toughen up, because I am not that little girl anymore.


Jessica: You don't make major life decisions when you are reeling from a loss. (even Harvey gets advise ok! last night episode Harvey get rejection for promotion from Jessica as well. so it is not about being good but also "your emotional intelligence".. that rings a bell.)


Donna: I'm sorry I don't have a photographic memory, but my brain is too busy being awesome.

Mike: You may not be a genius, but you know exactly what you're doing.

source : www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/suits/


Harvey Specter: Jessica, if you hadn't done as much for me as you have, I'd be heading out the door.
Jessica Pearson: If I hadn't done as much for you as I have, I'd be throwing you out the window.


Harvey Specter: I'm inclined to give you a shot, but what if I decide to go another way?
Mike Ross: I'd say that's fair. Sometimes I like to hang out with people who aren't that bright, you know, just to see how the other half lives.

LOVING IT! hehe.


Mike Ross: Oh, and you don't give a damn about the client, right?
Harvey Specter: It's not my job.
Mike Ross: Does your job include giving a damn about me, because the least you could do is offer to stand up to Louis for me.
Harvey Specter: Stand up for you? I put my ass on the line for you. But it turns out you may have had the balls to get this job, but you don't have the courage to stick it out when it gets tough. (so we should just stick up!! dun give up at any point of time)



Harvey : What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head?
Mike: What are you talking about? You do what they say or they shoot you.
Harvey: Wrong. You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one.


I must say whoever write the script he/she just did some awesome job. I hope you could get motivated the same way I did.


Thank you for reading!

Pajam after 3 mths

Quickly.

It has been almost 3 months after we move.


We still love our house.


Busuk - no issue for us, its once in a while. Weekend tak sangat , the children can play outside happily. malam we can still open the door


lalat - no issue. it can be mitigated easily.


traffic jam - i work in KL, kalau sg besi tak sibuk macam cuti sekolah ni 30 mins dah sampai. the traffic will get worst if you went out 730am onwards i guess. worst pun tak worst. you will not swear or anythinglah. It is a moving traffic.


Kalau time sibuk I have to follow the jalan jauh, which is able to reach on time too. cuma toll mahal. I have no complaints so does my husband.


kalau nak ke putrajaya or puchong - boleh ikut jalan sepang, dengkil cuma kat sepang jer ada satu simpang yang traffic light dia slow skit. resulted in long queue. tapi no toll kalau ke putrajaya. kalau puchong kenalah.


jalan alternative is plus highway, selama ni is moving traffic - means banyak kereta, tapi moving, never stop and it is only about 1-2km before it clears off. so no problem for me.

Jalan batang benar, after 3mths, I am adjusted well. My husband who kuat komplen (sbb dia sporean - mana ada traffic jam kat sana) never really complaint or whined about this. So I guess no big issue on this.


developer - maybe sebab rumah besar ker atau seri pajam memang bagus, tapi so far services very good. they attend to our complaint very fast. I hope bukan sebab rumah besar but their new motto yang assure the high quality of their houses that motivates them.


So that is all I can say. I am not paid ya :)

House Project phase 2a

I received a sealed envelope today on my desk. I was thinking what was that and who is that from.


When I open the envelope, reading the book title saja I dah tahu sapa punya kerja ni. hahahahaha!


It was from "the higher authority" aka my boss. I know I can take it as his sarcasm but positively we might have developed a bond that he care enough to go to a bookshop and bought me this.  Right?


I was laughing out loud, tak boleh tahan. He signed and wrote "Good Read".


You may asked me, what made him do this? or rather "what trigger him to be this sarcastic (if you want to put it negatively)"


So...playback last friday I was sitting with him for my PMS. (which does not matter anymore during the time since  the payroll has been computed using the new increment and bonus - the chat is just to formalize it).


You can never imagine what he said to me. It took me 2 days to get over it.


For an eg:

"you are a platinum in my book"

"the only reason that prevent you to have high score is your aggressiveness that some of them are uncomfortable" - to that I asked him if I need to change my "style of communication" and he replied "no no no just be yourself, i like it" daa??? and when I said "and you want the character to do this job?" he said "yes" so??? I can never score?? baiklah aku transfer out kan? (pada akal aku yang cetek nila)

"I could not have my office to be platinum" for whatever reasons he mentioned.

"you are only x.x from platinum"

"your increment is way above average etc etc"

"you are the star performer in my office"


"if you really want to insist that I highlight your weaknesses is to manage your expectation" just whatever that means really. I was just not listening to him.


I was still upset regardless of good words he put. I cried when I upset so that was what I didlah while trying to disagree with him.


The next day I was actually on the phone with my ex-boss telling him all these "nonsense" which impacted my score, maybe will impact my promotion. We came to a conclusion - either he is politicizing me to achieve his mission or I have to agree to be penalize in order to achieve the overall mission goal. ABSURD sangat kan????


I for one, AM NOT ready for this kind of crap. (i think i still have an executive mentality haha!) I only want good performance scoring. hehe.


Happen to be, his decision to remove a manager from his dept has resulted in the upsetness of that person. that person is accusing me to be the reason.

I tengah upset kena victimised lepas tu dapat plak accusation yang sangat baseless, so apa lagi, i pun informlah the higher authority tu masa weekend. haha emotional siot.


Sampai mintak i yang di transfer out bukan sorang lagi ni sbb sejujurnya, I tak sanggup being penalised. I nak jugakkkkk good scoring for 2013 kalau dah susah sangat nak score high kat department ni. But he dismissed itlah, he said.."xx, xx, dun b overwhelmed by this, focus on our mission. manage your emotion and expectation :)" itulah yang dia kata....

Bayangkanlah sampai tak boleh tidur upset sangat. bangun pun pukul 4-5am gitu still crying non stop.


By sunday I dah ok.


By monday, I get the book hehehehe... maybe i got my humour back, or my senses back, I can't stop laughing at his gesture.


My colleague said "it is funny not because of anything but the matter that get you depressed... "

(yes, please do not be sorry for me, I want platinum bcoz i need to be in the platinum club for performance wise. How can I lead by example otherwise? And to have nothing mentioned about my flaws how can I improved it, that is so frustrating to me. I have list of flaws but my boss just said "nothing"... if he had said, english, or writing skill or communication skills, most probably I will not be as frustrated.  but bonus Alhamdulillah still ada cuma 9k less than last year. Increment is less rm500 from last year, even if I get platinum, it will be less anyway because our overall performance... huhu)


Ok back to house story. Amongst project that get approved for this phase 2a.

1. Whole house tinted -2k
2. The remaining of curtains/window dressings - 4.5k
3. Furnitures - 13k


I do not know exactly after tax deduction and epf how much cash from the bonus would I get so hopefully enough for the above and some other personal projects like the umrah diy kot? huhu....

Apa pun syukur Alhamdulillah...Bak kata ustaz tazkirah IKIM - rezeki dah ditentukan kita ni kena usaha. Tapi usaha tu jangan sampai tak menyempat nak buat ibadah.... malu kan nanti nak mengadap Allah SWT.

Restless and anxious

Seminggu ni ada dengar tak tazkirah di IKIM fm?

 

 

IKIM fm frequency berapa? Owh. tak silap 91.5 or 102.5, tak silap lah. either that or 91.7. 91 and 102 tu confirm belakang tu aku tak berapa ingat. (aku main tekan jer huhuhuhu)

 

 

Bila? Owh. Selalunya 7:30am dan akan di ulang selepas azan maghrib selalunya 730pm. So kalau tak dapat dengar pagi, malamlah.

 

 

Tazkirah semalam pasal perasaan "kehambaan" pada Allah. Ada juga di sentuh pasal akhlak rasulullah. Aku paling suka bila ustaz tu menyingkap cerita2 tauladan umpamanya bila anak abu jahal masuk islam, dia lebih kurang di pandang rendah oleh orang lain. Tapi rasullah menjawab.. ala aku lupa. However, dari sudut lain, akhlak rasullulah pada anak abu jahal ni ada dalam blog ni - http://awie-doank.blogspot.com/2007/08/krimah-bin-abu-jahal.html

 

Excerpt:

"Rasulullah melarang umat Islam menghina ayahnya sebab menghina orang yang sudah mati sama saja menyakiti orang yang masih hidup. Begitu juga melarang umat Islam memangil beliau dengan nama Ikrimah bin Abu Jahal."

 

 

Kan? Kalau kita tu nak balas dendam sokmo dengan musuh ya.

 

 

Banyak lagi kisah Ikrimah. Boleh try dalam blog ini.

http://lovemuhammadsaw.blogspot.com/2012/06/ikrimah-bin-abu-jahal.html

 

 

Tazkirah pagi tadi aku paling suka bila part pengemis yang asyik mengadu domba pasal kemiskinan dia. Datang satu alim ni tanya lebih kurang gini:

 

"Kalau I beli jari2 you dengan 10 dirham, nak tak?

 

Pengemis tu jawab, "of courselah tak nak, pehal murah sangat"

 

"Kalau saya beli mata you dengan 20 dirham ok tak?"

 

"eh murahnya, taknaklah nanti nak tengok ngan apa?"

 

 

"apa kata kalau i beli akal fikiran you, dan you jadi gila dengan 20 dirham"

 

 

"taknak lah, takkan 20 dirham aja"

 

 

Ha gitulah expressionnya. So orang alim tu kata kat pengemis tadi, "kalau you campur2kan semua jumlah tu berbaloi ker dengan kehilangan semua anggota tu?"

 

"of cozzz tak!"

 

 

"ha gitulah, walaupun tuan hamba ni miskin tapi Allah beri kekayaan dengan memberikan nikmat2 tangan, kaki, akal fikiran dan sebagainya, kita kena bersyukur"

 

Ialah, ada orang kaya tapi buta, ada orang kaya tapi gila. Betul?

 

 

Loving the ustaz, very engaging cara dia bercerita. Selalu buat aku berfikir.

 

 

It took away my anxiousness and restlessness over office matters. Sometimes I told myself, I really do have choice.

 

 

tak nak stress, buat jelah tak tahu. Take it as face value, jangan beriya2 benau nak betulkan keadaan tu.

 

 

Tak pun resign. habis cerita. dapat gaji baru.

 

 

Stress sebab I really have expectation over something and I make it a goal for me to achieve it. I do not take failure as an answer so I went all out to get it fixed. Ni bukan macam nak betulkan machine. Kalau machine ko boleh beli spare parts. ni betulkan attitude orang. susah tu wey!

 

 

Tapi bila konyer performance tak berapa, suam2 kuku jer ko disappointed kan? Ko rasa cam, eh camner plak ko sampai tak leh tidur memikirkan menda ni peh tu u were seen as just average performer? haruslah disappointed.

 

 

tapi bak kata tazkirah tu, lebih kurang bermaksud "sometimes you might want to get a slap to drag you back to jalan yang lebih diredhai Allah..."

 

 

I hope you are also learning from my life journey. It is painful but I have to go through it.

Merlin wisdom

Merlin saved the kingdom in last night episode however, he wouldn't be knighted nor rewarded.

Maksudnya, ko save la organization ko tu tapi dun expect them to reward you. Yang penting Allah tahu....


Sir Lancelot - "You should be the one that be knighted Merlin"

"You're the bravest one of all but Arthur didn't know".... sebak aku dengar dialogue tu. Merlin was ok. Totally ok with it.


Merlin - "Not now, not just yet"...which means he wont tell Arthur he has magic , and his magic saves Arthur a lot. A number of times.. Arthur thinks either him, his knight or luck that saves him.


Painful kan?


Nasib baik, Arthur tu berhati mulia, memanglah worth it to help him.


I love that it is now out in the open between Arthur and Guinevere. My colleague lelaki kata potonglah sebab si Guin ni tak lawa.. haha! ada aku kisah? Aku semestinya tengok Arthur. Aku suka actually handsome prince ni suka plain girl muehehehehe.....It shows he has good heart and sees through her. Bukan sombong bodoh dan pilih lawa2 jer kan.... So sapa tengok ngan mata maka tak nampaklah why Angel is casted to be Guin. Dia kena tengok dengan akal fikiran muehehehehee...



Well. Maybe Merlin ni tak ambitious. Dia tahu he wont be the knight. He knows juga dia tak mungkin diangkat jadik pembesar2 istana. Dapat kerja istana pun dah cukup bagus bagi dia. Zaman dulu kan...


Berbeza dengan aku, aku ni servant yang ambitious. Sangat ambitious. A go getter. I want to be rewarded after hard day work. Itu aku tak boleh lah nak samakan dengan Merlin. He is very low profile but prominent figure. Very important person in Arthur's life. Aku ni plak, significant but not very important. haha!


But still painful. Finally semua orang dah dapat surat increment and bonus. Except direct report to CEO. I am dying to know. But I have prepared myself, I may not be getting what I expected. :(

How do I fix this?

Case 1.


If you have an authority to be the liasion person and there is this group who likes to skip you, what would you do?

They bravely (or cunningly) explain to the higher authority with many excuses. I kind of understand, as the higher authority, it is too petty to catch them and sit them down with me. So as long as it would not become a problem, he could accept their excuses.

They are one of the group that need to be watched closely so their "doing" will not disrupt the operations and destroy the 2.0 vision.

My comment :

It needs a special soft skill to deal with the stubborn ones and I think "their egos" are the thing that stop them from being a good follower. They think what they do is difficult and can only be handled by their group only :)

How do u tell the higher authority this?


Case 2.


You received an information about this deputy manager from her own staff. That she is not doing the mentoring, highlighting that all the mistakes came from below her, highlighting the weaknesses of her staff to the big boss but yet she is not performing the managerial tasks. She failed to deliver the managerial duty by agreeing into something just to please her boss but not practical. She should advise the boss accordingly even though it is painful. She needs to provide guidance to the staff including reviewing their work ie spell checks, reports accurate etc. The staff under her currently very demoralized. She is acting like lebih kurang macam Lady Morgana - senyum bila ada orang fail. she just enjoy watching it.... *evil kan* why do you want to do that to your own staff? They are there to support you to success.


Well, She or he is trying to work her or his way up and citing that she or he was given additional tasks plus her or his long services with the company as justifications of promotions.


What would you do?


My comment:

I would certainly pengsan if her or his boss agreed to nominate her. what will be my excuse to highlight about this problem to her or his boss? or even to my boss - the higher authority.

I might sound like makcik kepoh. Or backstabber. Either I tell and caution them or leave it be to Allah, and if she is promoted, launch a program for her improvement as manager. The staff said, boleh ker? Ego dia camner? hehehe ego tak boleh di tegur ya? Haha... entahlah!


The 2.0 vision if we have people with this attitude, habislah no.



Case no 3.

Arghh, case ni berat sket. I sambung nanti ya.



What do you think? How best to fix this?