The long awaited update!

Is it? muahahaha...


Dear Mr B,


Life has been so...slow lately. Everything is just a waiting game. I do not do this game so maybe Allah is training me to be more patience...


(Noone is actually extending their condolence for my late uncle's passing. I felt so unloved. I guess I have no real friends yet here. I have to work harder maybe)


I think house wise, I am officially not having any fund to continue with the project. That made me a bit demotivated to even tidying the house. As a perfectionist, I need everything to be ready and to be available. Otherwise world will crumble, I felt there would be no future or plan for this project. Since nothing I can do, let's just sabotag the house.



The one thing that kept me awake most of the nights is my career. Office politics is new to me. Especially at this level. Every single information that I received confused me. So much so that it depressed me hahahahahaha... I am just not a politician but I think I can be one of good players especially if they kept giving me this testlah. Poker face? I just have to work on the art of poker face. I will be good at it in no time.


What else did I learn?..................... On how not to take things seriously.


Seriously, it is a serious thing not to take things seriously. In all my naiveness, I thought "Of course we have to be serious about our job"... The answer is yes and no. Not all the time.


People is funny sometimes. When you are really into it, with serious face and all, people tends to distance themselves, but when you give them the impression you can't care less, work pouring your way and the level of dependencies increased unexpectedly.


I told you that is just funny.I do not comprehend it myself haha. But kesimpulannya, I think when you are so serious, they think you are their biggest competitor. But when you give them the "dun care" attitude, they thought they are doing your job. They thought it is so tak aci kan? Told you people is funny.


And the promotion thing. why would it bother me? Its Allah's work not them. However, I think do not dwell on it so much. People will distance themselves when you are so aggressive anyway. So the best things to do is to go to jobstreet.com.my.


Concurrently, business as usual. Who knows things will just get better in no time. But I seriously like the "dun care" attitude within the seriousness of the poker face. Hehe I guess if it works, it will be the best revenge ever.

Of nothing.

I guess I was mourning for so long... sorry for the lack of updates.


I was depressed and tried to deal with it.


Office is another thing to be depressed about. I am actually the last one standing in the office. And dealing with many levels makes me very busy.


Just so many things to learn. But honestly I need help.

Dealing with a loss

At about 230am yesterday.. when others were rejoicing on the results of PRU13, some may be not, I was awaken by an awful news. 

An uncle who is so dearest to me passed away. 

I would want to tell about how I felt here. But I realize, I am just too tired to vent. 

But enough said, I have regrets...................for not able to minta maaf, for not be able to hug him, for not be able to say thanks.

This uncle thought me mengaji, and taranum, sampai I johan sekolah, johan daerah etc.  many many times...

This uncle thought me berkompang, he always have the leadership quality in his way of teaching. But he is a silence leader. he did not talk much but, respected. Teringat masa I kecik, dia terus kasi I pemukul gendang tu untuk I yang pukul, while emak2 akan berkompang.... and I pun sangat semangat ikut instruction dia when to pukul. I have fond memories of my childhood days, part of it due to him.

For years and years, he made the habit to read quran, imagine, in all his spare time. Not just 10 mins, but all the time he free. He will cycle to masjid every waktu.. puasa sunat isnin khamis... I guess I did not even inspired by it when he is still around, but now I am just so inspired by him.

Dia punya routine mengikut sunnah. He eats roti with madu etc. Tak minum ais...etc.. He is never sick, seldom demam... Dan semasa dia di jemput ajal. it was like 5 mins before he is ok, and all of sudden he just fall, and he chose 1 particular grandson who is studying medicine (last semester dah) to stay with him. "duk dengan atuk jangan pergi mana2"... And the time is just so right between midnight and subuh, dia berniat puasa isnin etc... The second round of CPR (done by this grandson), he was awake just to mengucap. Even though the whole family was sad, but we agreed, Allah has chosen the right timing for him... Everything about him is easy. Uruskan jenazah dia juga cepat dan senang. Just like him. Tak ada kesusahan or orang yang susah semasa uruskan jenazah dia... MasyaAllah....

He was 86. Even masa baca talkin, imam tu yang juga kawan dia di masjid, sebak, tak dapat teruskan talkin tu.... 

I was always take him for granted... I did not sit down and make time to chat with him more... I need to change this.