I'm falling into pieces

I want to look back and read this entry.

Today is when I  think this just got to end.

All my career life I was trying to feel what it's like to be closed to the management.

And I have a choice. be smart and be the great communicator, win win situation, maybe longer impact but long run may be more effective,

or.

Just be me. superly outspoken to get the message accross so we could see faster results. and dun care anything else but results.

I need to shut my mouth sometimes. I need to lay back sometimes.

I was being stopped at this statement. If you are a boss, would you fire a guy who is superly smart but outspoken or average smart but obedience. (hey, but i am obedient to my boss just not to peers)

It got me depressed.

I kind of lose my identity now. I kind of giving up. I starting to doubt myself. or maybe if I ever want to put it positively "I am unlearning myself to learn back what I should become or how my attitudes over something should be".

I am clueless on finding balance - results vs great communications. Maybe it is hard to lose your existing identity that I need to grief about it.

arghh! it is just too hard. I want to laugh at myself one day when I read this.