The painful journey

I think I have buried my house projects in a while. Sorry for those who are looking forward to the progress....


The fact is ..... I twas busy trying to "maintain my cool @ work" so it has been either a challenge or a worry.



So that might be the reason why I wrote about it a lot recently.



I have cried 4 times - 3 times with CEO and 1 time with CSO.



That is how miserable I was.



The painful part is when I have little respect about what I do. I do not mind helping and "performing", just give me an extra hand. I have been telling this to a number of people with no decision come from it. I devise a plan to help them (also to help me) but I received cynical feedback. I have shown how I can be a good mentor, but that just not being acknowledged until ....... i give them the ultimatum.



I just want to record this down and see what happen when I read about this in the future. 



In a way, it is good to see that finally , eventhough it took some painful decision, my previous leadership skill being acknowledged and ...... executed... semua lepas this painful decision that I have to take.....



He did not announce my resignation to others. (He did after 1 day) Some think I am just threatening. but i am not.



I do not do it for fun.




I felt a sense of relief like I have removed a whole lot of baggage. I am happier.




Aku still cenge la kalau aku tingat what people say or do to me. Enough said, I have to do some soul searching. And I need to get back my mojo hahahahaha......



insyaAllah adalah rezeki kat mana2.... Amin! Doakan yer.. camner bill yang melambung2 ni kalau idak.....

What's up with me?

The significant thing that happen to me this week is..... drummmm rollllll......I got an interview. finally! muahaha... At least dapatlah test market seadanya kan. Punya lama try hantar resume...


Yang lagi satu best ialah I spoke to my boss's secretary and apparently her outlook is much more comforting and positive than HR's outlook. Camner tu?


I told her that HR might drive me outlah if this continues. (whatever the thing I am facing nowlah).


Apparently the new "C" pun terkena. So after the incidents, Allah tolong aku, terus "his" attitude towards me no longer cautious but I think I earned his trust about 20% now. He is very open with me now just like my current boss. Good!


If I got the new job offer, I might miss this. Allah please guide me, guide my heart and guide my future. Amin!

The Merlin story my version

Today I will remember.


"You can choose to be in any position you want in my office"


"Or you can choose to be in the C2 office"


"I will consider your offer on the other position also" ya aku telah mencadangkan keluar dari officenya dan lead a dpt...


"But you have to make a decision fast"

C2 pulak.. "you need to make a decision, if you want to join me almost welcome"


owh lihatlah doniya betapa aku amat wanted di C level ya.. hahahaha!


Dan aku punya stupid response ialah: "Eh, I can choose ker?" hahahahha bongok!


And another stupid response..."Tak per, I will think first and I let you decide later. it should be  how I can contribute most in the org"

"you better be fast as I am finalizing the new structure" best kan??? hahahaha.....

Setelah banyak rumours yang mengatakan he wants to get rid of me, yang tak betul rupanya, even dia terkezut banget bila aku kata gitu. So hari ni adalah something yang melegakan.....

Another corporate issue

Dun pick fight with HR. They managed your salary and most probably will have a say or input in your promotion.

 

 

I defy that rule yesterday.

 

 

It is an effort to manage the relationship with everyone. You basically have to think through what to say and not to say so the relationship will always be good.

 

 

 

Yesterday I blew it. Not because I lose my temper. I think I have been tolerating the voice tone, the remarks, the negative perception, so yesterday I decided to campak the rule to tong sampah and say my piece.

 

 

 

I am not sure the impact to my career. I know it is risky but with or without, my career has been stagnant for the past 2 years. So I decided this "piece" is needed so at least I will not be suffering that long. Ko ingat senang nak telan bodoh2 remarks cam tu... It is so depressing sometimes.

 

 

 

Things going in different direction suddenly yesterday. I hope I will have a chance to learn. I love it when the higher authority said this : "4 years is max in ceo's office then we need to see if we can deploy you somewhere else" Erm I disagree on the 4 years tho. I am looking at 2 years......and when you said deployed, I am hoping not just "inside", but "outside" too...... he added "let's discuss this later with the C*SO"...

 

 

ohkay. InsyaAllah.

 

 

When trusting no one is the name of the game...

Seriously, I have never been in "the game".

But I am appreciating this experience. I will be more wiser next time. 

Appreciating one's value is not in the agenda it seems (at least not in this phase). It is more of the "emotional style" best described here :

http://hbr.org/2001/12/primal-leadership-the-hidden-driver-of-great-performance/ar/1

Excerpt :

Our investigation was designed in part to look at how emotional intelligence drives performance—in particular, at how it travels from the leader through the organization to bottom-line results. “What mechanism,” we asked, “binds the chain together?” To answer that question, we turned to the latest neurological and psychological research. We also drew on our work with business leaders, observations by our colleagues of hundreds of leaders, and Hay Group data on the leadership styles of thousands of executives. From this body of research, we discovered that emotional intelligence is carried through an organization like electricity through wires. To be more specific, the leader’s mood is quite literally contagious, spreading quickly and inexorably throughout the business.

If one read "who moved my cheese" one will appreciate changes. Even though it may sounded very bad at first, learn to cope with it. Learn to embrace and be positive with it. The book cited many example of success stories after the initial "what it seems to be a bad change at first"....

Rather than walking straight to a brick of walls, changes will offer a big hole of opportunity in the wall itself and will bring one to the best leap of faith later on....

How could one not taking this chance as one big opportunity? Try it first then only be disappointed later. At least it will bring new experience as well as taking 50% probability of success. At least there is a 50% of chances to be successful rather than going around in a circle.

Am I making sense to you?